New DE Signing Carl Lawson!

[ChoppedWood]

So with Key and apparently Clemmons both on the shelf we had a need. What better way to fill it, than with yet another of Lou's former guys!

You can't help but wonder but does our player personnel process basically look like this:

Lou- "We're down 2 DE's, gonna need to hit the PS and FA market"

Ballard- "Hey Lou, hold on, let me call you back in a couple hours, I am at an Adult Small shirt fitting session right now and when I leave here I have a an appt with my smarmy smirk trainer, I will call you after that"

Lou- "Cool, I got a guy in mind, I think you are gonna love him"

10 hours later... Ballard calls Lou back

Ballard- "Sorry Lou, I meant to call you back but I got sidetracked practicing my haughty laugh and shrug in the mirror and lost track of time. I hope we didn't lose this guy because I was out of pocket, so tell me about him, 2-3 past pro bowls, 20+ career sacks, 5 year starter type guy now logging high production rotation minutes"?

Lou- "No problem Chris, he is still around, which is great. He used to play for me, he is one of MY guys Chris and as you know, MY guys are all bad asses that just got raw deals in the NFL, all of them have been really good, just needed the right situation to excel. He is one of those guys Chris, here, for me, with Sauce just locking these WR's down and with CJ Allen guarding the sideline super well, this guy is gonna shine Chris, gonna shine".

Ballard- "So who is he playing for right now"?

Lou- "He isn't, he's out of the league right now. The 9ers, Rams, and Vikes all wanted him as a starter this year but he just didn't want to play unless it was for me, so he's just been waiting on the phone to ring. I already told him to get an Uber to the airport and we'll have the jet pick him up. I am super geeked Chris, just give me the thumbs up".

Ballard- "So this is ANOTHER one of YOUR guys right, one of these guys that was with you when your D was considered atrocious, but he was one of the guys that wasn't atrocious, cool, that tracks with your history so far with us. What are you thinking, we go the same route as some of these other guys we have been signing, ya know, like Slay, sign him, and then stash him for about a month then bring him onto the field? Yeah yeah, grab him. We can get him on the field like week 9 or so. That will give him like 8 total weeks. Just make sure we are clear with him- 8 weeks with us, we expect serious results. Set the bar high with him Lou, 8 weeks, we need at least 1 sack, 3 pressures, and 5 tackles yet this season! Let him know that we expect almost the identical production from him that we have as the expectations for Latu. So he needs to know, sense of urgency and shit is high!

Oh and Lou, as soon as we hang up, I am jumping on a plane to The Sechyles for a 60 day lay low since I've been busting ass so much lately. The checkbook is in the upper right drawer in my office, if any shit like this happens while I am out, man you just keep tapping YOUR guys and pay them whatever it takes to get them signed, and then not play for a few weeks so they feel good about where to go out and night and that type of shit. Ease them in just make sure they are aware we have a high sense of urgency and shit. Thanks Lou, tell him I will watch what he looks like on the sidelines when I get back in town in late December".