A silent hell': The night Andrew Luck broke down,

[JAFF]

https://www.indystar.com/story/sport...m/69705638007/

For years, after he walked away, Andrew Luck became an invisible part of the world in which he’d once been a hero. Instead of practicing at the Colts complex on 56th Street, he walked by and took his daughter to soccer practice. The film room in the house he’d built in Indianapolis became an office. The physical therapy room turned into a guest room.

It was here he transformed himself, from someone who identified as a great quarterback to someone who identifies as a husband, a father, a student. Maybe one day, he’ll be a coach.

'A decision he had to make':Frank Reich on Andrew Luck's retirement three years later

More:Andrew Luck played football with kids at a Brownsburg park

But whatever he pursues next, he’ll do it with a different perspective — one that only comes through experiences that left Luck living in, as ESPN’s Seth Wickersham describes, “a silent hell, scared and panicking.”

* * *

One night in Holland, Andrew Luck finally broke.

He couldn’t fathom how he found himself here. In 2015, he’d missed nine games with a labrum injury, a partial abdominal tear and a lacerated kidney. During the 2016 offseason, he’d separated his AC joint in a snowboarding accident. He missed the entire 2017 season.


Willem Kramer, a trainer, suggested Luck and his then-girlfriend Nicole Pechanec get away for a while. Off he went, to the Netherlands.

He couldn’t use his right arm to do the exercises Kramer assigned.

From Wickersham:

He wasn't sleeping well, he was in pain, he was fighting with Nicole, the team was halfway across the globe without him, and if he stopped to examine his life, the entire world he had constructed might start to unravel, perhaps revealing it to be fatally flawed all along. "I understood myself best as a quarterback," Luck says. "I felt no understanding of other parts of myself at all."

Nicole was prepared to leave him if nothing changed. Then one night, he broke. He cried, he cursed, he vented, he confessed, and most of all, he leveled with Nicole in a way she thought he was incapable of. "There were some things that when I looked in the mirror, I did not like about myself," he says. "I was self-absorbed, withdrawn, in pain, and feeling pressure." —

After about a few weeks in Holland, Luck started to see a professional therapist. And Kramer started to serve not only as a trainer but as a couple's counselor of sorts, trying to teach Andrew and Nicole about communication and identity, both as individuals and as a unit. One day, Kramer asked Luck, "Aren't you more than a quarterback?"

"Huh?" Luck said.

"I mean, that's fine -- I guess. What you do on the field is amazing. But aren't you more than that?"

Luck thought so, but maybe not. It took weeks, but Luck was at the early stages of trying to shed his former self -- his quarterback self -- in favor of a person he didn't know yet.


He came back for one more magical season in 2018. He threw 39 touchdown passes, led the Colts back to the playoffs and won Comeback Player of the Year. But even then, he was still in pain. Midway through the season, his foot and ankle began bothering him. He strained his ankle at the Pro Bowl.

— Looking back, Luck wishes he had told the team, "I gave it all I had this year, but this is no more for me."

Instead, he told everyone that he'd be all right.

Years later, after he’d stepped away from the game, he told a group of kids he wished he’d done it differently.

More from Wickersham:

"What's your biggest regret from your NFL career?" a kid asked.

Luck cursed in his mind, having hoped for a softball. "Good question!" he said, and he decided to tell a group of kids what he had never said publicly:

"I regret the timing of when I retired."

He felt he had let people down, for which he had to learn how to forgive himself. What mattered to him most about football, what he wanted the kids to learn, was the "uber accountability." He knew that his own ideas of accountability and of football were more complicated than the romantic version that he had shared. And yet on the drive home that afternoon, Luck couldn't stop smiling at the thought of those romantic notions. Of sitting in meetings and geeking out for 45 minutes on one play. Of tough moments, when he was hurting or reckless with the ball. Of dumb stuff, like being whacked by pool noodles in practice to reduce fumbles.

[MeSayDayo]

I am among those that believe Luck would have eventually had to face these same issues, mentally speaking, even if injuries never played into his career arc.
If he wasn't injured, no doubt it would have been the external pressure of winning a Superbowl that would have weighed heavily on him. A lot of the things that turned him into a cold drone to his wife and friends were the same, weather they impacted his rehab process or his preparation process as a healthy player. The guy didn't like who he was when he was relied upon to be the face of the franchise-who made all of the decisions and ordered food for everyone else at restaurants. This had nothing to do with rehab- the injuries and rehab simply exasperated the problem.

He would have retired early (perhaps for introverted reasons, pressure from his wife which was evident in the article) if he remained healthy. But that in itself is a long shot, as he played with heart and often took big hits. Andrew Luck was bigger than football and he eventually realized it. He was a gifted athlete with a gifted mind, and luckily for him, his mind won out on that decision. I don't think he wanted to finish his career with the cerebral aptitude of Antonio Brown. A man with the mind of Andrew Luck really didn't have any business in a Neanderthals NFL world.
Peyton had football intelligence that was off the charts- but I don't think he had a fraction of the introspective capabilities of Andrew Luck to ever even question his self worth.
In the example of Peyton vs Luck and where they vastly differed - Peyton benefitted from introspective ignorance, and the good fortune of playing for over 10 years with little to no major injuries.

[ZionsvilleColtsFan]

The original ESPN article came out this week behind a pay site and the author/writer was on 107.5 radio. Luck was mentally and physically spent. One of my alltime favorite Colts(including Unitas). Writer mentioned Andrew likes to fish in his waders in Eagle Creek and tips well at the coffee shop. What I think is amazing is that Luck & family stayed here in Indy after his career was over.

[IndyNorm]

Hoping it leaks at some point. Would like to read the full article but not enough to pay for the ESPN+ subscription.

[CletusPyle]

Originally Posted by ZionsvilleColtsFan

The original ESPN article came out this week behind a pay site and the author/writer was on 107.5 radio. Luck was mentally and physically spent. One of my alltime favorite Colts(including Unitas). Writer mentioned Andrew likes to fish in his waders in Eagle Creek and tips well at the coffee shop. What I think is amazing is that Luck & family stayed here in Indy after his career was over.

Someone said he went back to California now to continue his schooling at Stanford?

[Racehorse]

Originally Posted by IndyNorm

Hoping it leaks at some point. Would like to read the full article but not enough to pay for the ESPN+ subscription.

https://archive.ph/0w8KO?mibextid=Zxz2cZ
It is a very long read, even longer than Jaff's usual posts.

[JAFF]

Originally Posted by ZionsvilleColtsFan

The original ESPN article came out this week behind a pay site and the author/writer was on 107.5 radio. Luck was mentally and physically spent. One of my alltime favorite Colts(including Unitas). Writer mentioned Andrew likes to fish in his waders in Eagle Creek and tips well at the coffee shop. What I think is amazing is that Luck & family stayed here in Indy after his career was over.

Indy and Indiana is a great place to live. Ive lived on both coasts and length of the Rockies from boarder to boarder, and I’m blessed to find our home in the Hoosier state.

[rcubed]

Originally Posted by JAFF

Indy and Indiana is a great place to live. Ive lived on both coasts and length of the Rockies from boarder to boarder, and I’m blessed to find our home in the Hoosier state.

Everywhere has pros and cons

[Colts And Orioles]

Originally Posted by Racehorse

https://archive.ph/0w8KO?mibextid=Zxz2cZ


It is a very long read, even longer than Jaff's usual posts.

o


This is one of those posts/finds in which the board should thank universally.

o

[IndyNorm]

Originally Posted by Racehorse

https://archive.ph/0w8KO?mibextid=Zxz2cZ
It is a very long read, even longer than Jaff's usual posts.

Thanks!!! Really appreciate it! Pretty long read but a pretty good one. I wish the article would have gone into more details on his foot and ankle injuries, but it seems like as Dayo points out then injuries really weren't the big issue.